12.12.2011

Back fat roasting on an open fire - Zombies chewing on your nose

by Stacey Graham

I have a soft spot for zombies. They reject the commercialism of Christmas and go straight for the heart - literally. Thus, this holiday season, I wanted to share some of my favorites modified Undead songs and share the love. You're welcome, Internet.


The Zombie Christmas Song

Back fat roasting on an open fire
Zombies chewing on your nose
Questionable carols being moaned by a choir
And folks are wearing ragged clothes

Everybody knows a liver and a ripped off ear
Helps to make the season bright
Tiny zombies with their eyes all aglow
Won’t find it hard to eat tonight

They know that Santa’s on his way
He’s got a sleighful of feet to give away
And every Undead child is going to hide
Attacking reindeer as they try to get a ride

And so I’m offering this warning now
If you want to just survive
Keep the kiddies away from the fire
And you may make it out alive
 

It’s beginning to look a lot like zombies

It’s beginning to look a lot like zombies
Ev’rywhere you go
Take a look in the neighbor’s den, glistening once again
With blood and guts and viscera all aglow

It’s beginning to look a lot like zombies
All they want is more
But the scariest site to see is the neighbor that will be
Hanging from his door

A pair of feet you can’t beat or a big hunk of meat
Is on tap for Lester and Mike
A musical box or a doll that can’t talk
Make the eyes of Angie burn bright
And mom and dad are happy when their kids are out of sight

It’s beginning to look a lot like zombies
Ev’rywhere you go
There’s some bodies in the well, everyone thinks it’s swell
When they float to the top and you tie them in a bow

It’s beginning to look a lot like zombies
Pile them on a cart
And the thing that will make them run is the promise of the fun
As they eat your heart
Stacey Graham's the mouthpiece for Undead Fred at The Zombie Dating Guide. When not caroling awkwardly outside people's homes - she should really wait until December to start that - she enjoys messing up the classics with her odd sense of humor. She has two books releasing into the wild next year: The Girls' Ghost Hunting Guide and The Zombie Tarot. Please visit her at her website, on twitter and facebook. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

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